Melancholy.

I woke up in love but also wanting to die. Complete and utter disregard for my own life. My life is a melancholy drama and I’m tired. This is the dichotomy of life we must ride. I want to live? But death would be okay too.

11/10/2021.

I wanted to cut myself today. Thinking of you sliding your fingers inside me, violating my body gives me nightmares. No one imagines getting sexually assaulted on the first date. It’s not something I openly talk about you know? It’s not something I’m proud of. The shame follows me in every relationship I’ve been in,…

It’s hard to be in a honest healthy relationship when your brain unravels itself sporadically without warning. And you struggle to learn how to date in a healthy way when you’ve never had a healthy partner. I’m really trying here. I’m truly trying to be a fucking person. But all I do is live as…

Thirsty.

Once I had a taste of intimacy, the feeling of curious hands spider walking my skin with soft fingers I swallowed it whole. I shoved it down my throat. I didn’t realize how thirsty I was until I felt a molecule taste on my tongue. I was hooked. Into a man that didn’t deserve me…

Love is…

Love is when he intertwines his fingers with yours and whispers sweet nothings in your ear. When he rubs your back after a long day at work and you can’t function. When you cook French toast in your underwear at 2am after the bar closed because we can’t sleep. When he puts a Johnny cash…