11/10/2021.

I wanted to cut myself today. Thinking of you sliding your fingers inside me, violating my body gives me nightmares. No one imagines getting sexually assaulted on the first date. It’s not something I openly talk about you know? It’s not something I’m proud of. The shame follows me in every relationship I’ve been in,…

It’s hard to be in a honest healthy relationship when your brain unravels itself sporadically without warning. And you struggle to learn how to date in a healthy way when you’ve never had a healthy partner. I’m really trying here. I’m truly trying to be a fucking person. But all I do is live as…

Thirsty.

Once I had a taste of intimacy, the feeling of curious hands spider walking my skin with soft fingers I swallowed it whole. I shoved it down my throat. I didn’t realize how thirsty I was until I felt a molecule taste on my tongue. I was hooked. Into a man that didn’t deserve me…

Mental illness.

Dear Diary, I wake up wanting to die everyday. Right now I’m deep in my head and I’m in a really dark place. I’m spiraling into a dark hole into my self and everyday I wish I was dead because I feel I have no value as a human being lmao. Everyday I struggle to…

Progress.

When I left my ex boyfriend in August I was fucking 87 pounds. I was sick, I looked unhealthy and I was in the worst shape of my life. I used to be scared to eat, I’d have to walk on egg shells, I’d have to beg for the bare minimum, and I couldn’t even…