11/10/2021.

I wanted to cut myself today. Thinking of you sliding your fingers inside me, violating my body gives me nightmares. No one imagines getting sexually assaulted on the first date. It’s not something I openly talk about you know? It’s not something I’m proud of. The shame follows me in every relationship I’ve been in,…

It’s hard to be in a honest healthy relationship when your brain unravels itself sporadically without warning. And you struggle to learn how to date in a healthy way when you’ve never had a healthy partner. I’m really trying here. I’m truly trying to be a fucking person. But all I do is live as…

It’s really hard to find good people when the worse ones are just as genuine looking and compassionate in the beginning

My Dirty Truth. 6-14-2021

I want to curl myself into the closet and lay there until the sun comes out. But I don’t know when the suns coming out. It’s been raining for weeks. I’m tired of living. I’m tired of me. I’m tired of being. No one understands how exhausting it is to fight with your brain 24/7…

Benign.

Sometimes I’ll trick myself into thinking I’m doing better. Sometimes I’ll be naive to believe I’m normal and thriving but I forget I’m merely in remission. The grief will cross its legs and sit benign inside my veins, coiling itself softly around my organs. It’ll sleep in the corners of my mind, waking up when…