Melancholy.

I woke up in love but also wanting to die. Complete and utter disregard for my own life. My life is a melancholy drama and I’m tired. This is the dichotomy of life we must ride. I want to live? But death would be okay too.

11/10/2021.

I wanted to cut myself today. Thinking of you sliding your fingers inside me, violating my body gives me nightmares. No one imagines getting sexually assaulted on the first date. It’s not something I openly talk about you know? It’s not something I’m proud of. The shame follows me in every relationship I’ve been in,…

It’s hard to be in a honest healthy relationship when your brain unravels itself sporadically without warning. And you struggle to learn how to date in a healthy way when you’ve never had a healthy partner. I’m really trying here. I’m truly trying to be a fucking person. But all I do is live as…

Unbearable At Best.

On the shallow surface, I look fine. Fatigued, yes but I seem to be functioning quite well. Happy even, if placed in the right environment. I smile here and there.  Sometimes a laugh will  escape my mouth. On the outside I look like a normal, healthy individual.  But once you unwrap the layers, and dig into the depths of me, I’m no longer…

Hyper-Independence Isn’t Something to be Fucking Proud of.

“It’s better if I do it myself.”  “It’s fine; I’d rather do it alone.” “I don’t need your help.” “I can do this with or without you.” I realized this morning that being too independent comes with its own term called, “hyper-independence” and trust me it’s not the greatest trait to have. It’s toxic as…