Situationships Are Trash & You Can’t Change My Fucking Mind.

Your body is a temple; 

People need to earn the right to; 

worship you the way you deserve

I preach about this motto to all my girlfriends on a daily basis. I have a fucking Post-It reminder taped to my mirror in my bedroom. I stare at that stupid yellow piece of paper every fucking morning as I get ready for my daily meditation ritual. And still like a fucking idiot, I’ll lay in bed and contemplate texting a good friend of mine. I stare up at the ceiling trying to convince myself that casual dating is fine and there’s no harm, no foul. I refuse to accept I’m acting fucking delusional. I would feed  myself with the bullshit excuses like, “What’s the harm?” Or “Better than nothing. I’ll date when I’m ready.” Yeah that’s what we call a situationship and it’s just as damaging as a toxic relationship. You know its just a waste of your fucking time and you can’t look me in my own face and tell me it isn’t. 

You know damn well there’s no future with this person, there’s nothing keeping you together except the fear of being alone, and if I had to bet my first born son, really good sex. It’s safe, maybe even comforting if you want to even call it that. They’re essentially your adult baby blanket that you never had the courage to throw in the garbage along with your shitty standards but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. This time you have to dig deep within yourself and ask the dirty questions:

What the fuck are you doing?

 What the fuck do you want?

What the fuck are you looking for?

You need to sit down and swallow what little bit of dignity you have left. You need to realize situationships are absolute garbage because you deserve better than whatever scraps these people decide to throw at you. You’re not a store brand person. You’re fucking  Haagen-Dazs and we don’t settle for store brand people. 

I realized the true test of my growth wasn’t turning down new men that became interested in me. The real test was men that I’m close friends with. Men that I’ve fantasized a scene or three. Men who are genuine, caring, passionate, and affectionate. Men who I know there’s no future with no matter how much we try.  Men that check off most of my boxes, meet my bare minimum, and know where the clit is. And it’s easy to fall into that trap. It easy because they’re in your comfort zone. You can’t sit here and say you’re taking dating seriously but sneak into your entanglement’s bed at 1am because you were in the area and wanted to say hi.

The dirty truth is, if the relationship feels murky where you can’t figure out what the fuck you’re doing; if you just keep them around for comfort because they can cook and fuck it why eat alone; or if you just want a half ass commitment then congratulations you’re in a fucking situationship. I’m very sorry for all the time you decided to waste on it. Because let’s face it. Any time you spend in a situationship is time wasted.

Situationships quite frankly, are an absolute waste of a relationship. They’ll never make you happy. It’s an emotional train wreck waiting to happen. They’ll never be sure of you because they aren’t sure of themselves.

In my personal opinion, it’s best to keep the relationship as platonic as you possibly can because no good will come of this. Not only are you wasting your own time, you’re wasting theirs.

This is something I tend to struggle with because there’s nothing I’d love more than to be in the arms of someone that cares for me. It’s easy to tell a complete stranger I just met go fuck yourself, I’m not interested. It’s difficult when that person is someone you’ve known for years, someone you grew up with. There’s that underlying history you both share that you don’t have with anyone else. There’s that sliver of fucking hope that maybe this could work out. You’re great friends after all, he’s good looking, emotionally available, you trust him to not be a piece of shit, you know the regular traits we all look for in a partner. 

You deserve someone who’s sure about you. 

And I don’t mean sure about you at 1am when you sneak over, not keeping it “open”, or only calling once a week. They’re giving you all the perks of a relationship without any of the commitments of an actual relationship. They’ll cook you dinner, ask about your day, call you after work, and kiss you goodnight but will have the audacity to say, “they don’t want anything serious”. 

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of wrapping yourself up in a burrito with someone else. It’s easy to go on casual dates, just to go to your friends house for drinks, and comfort sex. It’s easy to flirt with people you know aren’t good for your growth because they’re only holding you back. It’s easy to go on tinder and find someone to fill that empty void for the night. 

And sure, it’ll feel good for the moment but how will you feel afterwards? How will it affect your long term growth as a person? Is this behavior going to contribute to your overall mental health and stability? They might make you happy now, but will they make you happy tomorrow? What about next week? Will they even be talking to you then?

These are the things you need to keep in mind when you’re getting involved with other people. You need to make sure you’re aware of what you want and what you’re looking for. And situationships are not the answer. Situationships are dead end relationships. They’re not going to make you feel better. They’re not going to make you happy and secure. They’re going to eventually derail your mental state and throw you off the tracks. 

That’s why people go back to their shitty exes, and their old flames. Because being in your comfort zone requires little effort. It doesn’t take much thinking. Crawling out of your baby blanket, stepping away from your security is scary. But change hurts. That’s how you fucking grow. 

If change was easy everyone would fucking do it.

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