The Reason.

You especially don’t give a shit about me

What’s more important? Partying with your friends or me?

This, I hate to say it, is on you. I’ve done nothing but love

you and you couldn’t even try.

YOU are the reason I drink. 

YOU are the reason I want 

nothing more than to die every 

single fucking day I have to yell 

at my fucking mind to not think 

about your body pressed against mine.

To not feel your body shake on top 

of me as you finish inside me. 

To not remember how naive I can

really be to honestly believe this 

could ever work out. 

When all you wanted was to shove

yourself inside me and despite me

fucking begging you not to, you kept

shushing me, telling me,

I’ll go slow, it’s only me.

Like that makes a fucking difference.

Explain that to the trauma my body

was still recovering from. You damn

well what you were doing. You

knew I didn’t want it, the tears running

down my face was a clear giveaway 

but it was okay because eventually

I enjoyed it…..or did I?

Every fucking moment of my life is 

consumed by the mere thought of you 

and I fucking hate you for it. 

You’re the reason I drink. 

You’re the reason for what’s 

been wrong with me for months.

The Controlling. 

The Manipulation. 

The Blaming Me For Everything. 

The God Damn Ultimatums. 

You think I enjoyed feeling like shit? 

Being forced to live within myself, lose my 

whole sense of reality due to your gaslighting, 

I cry myself to sleep because you decided to 

bring a fucking girl home to our bed the day 

I flew home? 

Because while you were in a god 

damn psych ward, I was sobbing 

into your pillow, ripping up every 

photo of us wondering why I was 

never good enough for you. 

Why I’ll never be the person you 

want me to be and you always had 

to fucking blame me for it.

You drive me to run my car off a

fucking cliff every time you play the

victim, acting like you’re the only one hurting

because you’re always so fucking selfish

you never realize that you’re the fucking

problem. You are everything I despise

in a person.

You’re the reason I fucking drink so I don’t

have to remember you ever again.

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