End Fucking Rant.

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When you woke me up this morning at 

7am to blow up at me over the soda can 

I left in the bathroom I felt flabbergasted 

and disgusted. Fucking disgusted. 

Then you proceeded to go into detail 

over everything I’ve done wrong and I 

had to sit there and swallow every failure 

I’ve done over the last few weeks. It felt like 

a bomb fell in my lap and it blew my body 

parts all over the room. Then you tried to 

be sweet, and soften the blow by slowly 

pushing the hair behind my ear and I got 

sick and choked back tears. Thats why I 

got up and ran out the room. Coming to 

me like that triggers a lot of trauma that 

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even handle 

being near you. It made me sick. I felt 

claustrophobic. I felt the walls closing in 

and I was losing my mind. It made me 

want to pack a bag and get as far away 

from you as I possibly could. You get upset 

when I leave dishes in the sink or the bed 

isn’t made in the morning. Even though I’ve 

been making an effort to do better it seems 

its not good enough and i’m not good enough. 

Then to know Jacky was awake for an indefinite 

amount of time and you couldn’t even bother 

feeding him because he’s “my” responsibility 

was shitty of you. GARBAGE. You wanted us 

both to move in. Not me. Not Jacky. Both of us. 

You promised me since the beginning we’re a 

team and assured me we would be a family and 

lately I haven’t seen anything like that. I haven’t 

gotten any of that from you. Like you know he’s 

awake bur you couldn’t even bother to make sure 

he used the bathroom? Or make sure he ate 

breakfast? You had to really wake me up for that? 

You couldn’t even be bothered to help out? Oh 

right but he’s my responsibility but were a “team” 

thats right. That makes total sense. You hate how 

messy I am like I trash the house. You hate picking 

up after me yet you don’t voice your concerns. 

You wait until its boiling over and then you 

blow up. You don’t tell me all the time. You “told” 

me once. You instead chastise me until i’m crying 

my eyes out, and then i’m too scared to leave the 

bed because i’m too scared ill make a mess again 

and you’ll come at me again. If me leaving dishes in 

the sink or forgetting to throw away my coke can is 

going to be a dealbreaker for you then we’re better 

off not being together. I’m now scared to even touch 

anything in the house because i’m scared i’m not 

good enough and i’ll make a mess and ill get yelled 

at again and I cant handle being chastised on a daily 

basis. I’m more than happy to come up with a 

reasonable compromise that will work for us both 

but I’m not going to be with someone who can’t 

handle me for me. Adjusting my habits are fine. 

Changing who I am as a person because you 

can’t handle me being messy is unacceptable. 

You’re a fucking dick. You’re such a good man so 

this hurts me a lot because I believe in us so much 

and I have so much faith for us and you keep shitting 

on us over and over again. I’m tired of coming home 

and stepping in dog shit. This has got to stop because 

you’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m going to 

sacrifice my happiness for anyone else. Let’s also go back 

to Section 3 Article 69: How you’ve barely touch me in 

the last 6 weeks but you’re not ready to have that 

conversation but surprise we’re having it now baby. 

You may be happy with our sex life but i’m definitely not 

satisfied. And I’ve said it more than once. You’re not a 

fucking idiot so I dont know why you feel the need 

to act like one. If I wanted to date an idiot I would go 

after your fucking hot friends but here I am committed 

to your bitch ass. I need more than sex once a fucking 

week. I need more than a quickie once a week on 

your terms. Im not even asking for an everyday thing 

but you make me feel like you’re only having sex with 

me out of obligation because you hear me complain 

about it all the time. I get so fucking sad after we have 

sex because I never know when i’m going to get it again. 

I beg for it so much because i’m so deprived of intimacy 

with you its pathetic. I crave intimacy of any kind so badly 

I cry about it when I go to bed at night. Then you ask why 

i’m crying and I can’t even talk to you because what good 

has it done before? Oh right…..NOTHING. (claps hands in 

an obnoxious way) I voice my concerns and you listen 

but you don’t hear me. You tell me well babe I can’t fix 

what I don’t know well what’s the fucking point when you 

don’t fix it when I tell you? Why waste my fucking breath? 

When you touch me it hurts because all I want is to be with 

you and connect with you and I have to fucking beg my 

boyfriend to give me the attention I need and he still doesn’t 

do it. I can understand why your exes all cheated on you. Yet 

you claim you had a healthy sex life with them but lies aside 

why am I not fucking good enough? Why is it that your 

girlfriends can toss you around and cheat on you but me 

being messy is a god damn deal breaker? How is that fair? 

You tell me how great I am and how lucky you are to have 

me. But clearly it’s not enough. I’m not enough. How come 

I’m never good enough? I’m tired of not being good enough 

for anyone. I’m a good person. What the fuck is so wrong 

with me? 

You make me feel like a stray cat you took pity on instead 

of a fucking human being you care about. If you forgot I 

can clearly take care of myself. Im not the one who’s been 

living with my parents for the last 2 years “saving for a house” 

you’re saving for a house but you’ve only managed to save 

$5,000 in two years? Boy stop. ”I helped you with money and 

stuff” like really? You act like you have so many bills. Also was 

that comment even necessary????? if were going on comments 

lets go on how when I said i’m glad you don’t keep anything from 

me like for example having AIDS or something (god forbid I make a joke)

and you had the fucking audacity to tell me “well if anyone would

have AIDS it would be you babe you were way more 

promiscuous than me” WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE 

TO GO THERE. 

LIKE TELL ME WHY BITCH WHY. WHAT WENT 

THROUGH YOUR MIND? You sure as fuck weren’t 

complaining about my sexual experience when I sucked 

the soul out of your dick every week. Huh? No comment? 

Fucking right. How do you think I got so good? By going to church? 

Think I just prayed to God to grant me the ability to suck men 

into another dimension? Boy fucking bye. You mentioned how 

you’re not happy with how things have been lately when you 

haven’t even realized I haven’t been happy for WEEKS. And 

you barely notice me. I cut my hair. You don’t notice. I spend 

over an hour getting ready for you for our first date in three 

months and all you can say is “nice” NICE LIKE I JUST THREW 

ON JEANS AND A TARGET SWEATER. I SHAVED MY LEGS 

YOU PIECE OF SHIT. I WORE A FUCKING NICE DRESS AND 

WORE PERFUME FOR YOU WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. 

AND YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO WONDER WHY I WAS 

CRYING OFF MY FUCKING MAKE UP. DON’T MAKE ME 

GO TO JAIL BECAUSE JAIL IS LOOKING A LOT BETTER 

THAN BEING WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. AT LEAST THEY 

WONT YELL AT ME FOR LEAVING A SODA CAN ON THE 

GOD DAMN FLOOR.  

Lets not even bring up the fact you were on your phone 

trying to make plans with your fucking friends for the 

weekend while we were at dinner. But you know what 

i’m not going to waste my energy right now. We’ll table 

this for my next rant. 

You make me feel like i’m not good enough. 

You make me feel like no matter how hard I try i’m 

never good enough for you. And I don’t like that 

because i’m worthy of a lot and I have so much to give. 

You don’t even realize how fucking lucky you are

I hate to be cocky but I’m right. As far as partners go 

you picked a pretty good one. You’re just a bitch. 

“Sorry babe I can’t make love to you. I just ate and 

feel a little bloated.” What’s next? You can’t fuck me 

because you’re on your period? Your birth control made 

you gain weight? What? Your hormones are making 

you PMS again? 

ALSO TELLING ME VERBALLY HOW MUCH YOU 

LOVE ME IS NOT MY FUCKING LOVE LANGUAGE. 

QUALITY TIME, ACTS OF SERVICE, AND PHYSICAL 

TOUCH ARE. I TOLD YOU THIS NUMEROUS TIMES. 

THE FACT I HAVE TO KEEP REPEATING MYSELF IS 

PISSING ME OFF. WITH THAT SAID WHEN I SAY I 

WANT QUALITY TIME I MEAN I WANT QUALITY TIME 

I DO NOT MEAN I WANT TO SIT THERE AND WATCH 

YOU GAME FOR THREE FUCKING HOURS ON POKEMON. 

I WANT ONE ON ONE ATTENTION WITH YOU. NOT 

WATCH YOU THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY.

It really sucks you know because my friends used to 

be soooo jealous of us. They used to call us “goals” 

and look to us for inspiration. Now they just sit there 

and fucking pity me because they can’t believe you 

turned out to be a bitch. I love you so much. I don’t 

know what the fuck is going on but I really wish we 

could fix it. I really don’t know how because your 

communication sucks balls not to mention your 

expectations of what you’re expecting from me 

is completely unrealistic. 

I love you. I love you. I love you. You’re my home 

and i’ll travel to the end of the world for you. I’ll fight 

for you and do everything I can to support you. But 

you’ve made me so unhappy lately and now i’m living 

with you. I’m trying to make this work but you’re making 

it really hard to stay. Because I don’t fucking need this. 

A relationship is to be earned. Not compromised for. 

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